esther--^^

Father, I think i get it now.. I think I can finally see through a glimpse of the spiritual eyes that you possess. Lord, why was it so hard to see it before? Why did it take me til the end.. when I have merely 2 weeks left? hmm.. I'm a slow learner huh? I'm still growing; I still need time. Thank you God--for having patience with the imperfect, for having grace when most needed, for having perfect timing in all things that you do. All glory to Him.
AMEN!

so this past week or so has just been the most hectic, busy, yet most fun so far here with the kids. The 3 day Jerusalem Ministry soccer camp definitely made the week pass by a lot faster! I was so proud of our kids--cheering them on, feeling closer to the kids who participated from Sangrok, just orphanage pride man! hahaha. yeah, it was very fun to interact with kids from other orphanages as well! We are all blessed to have some kind of impact--however small or huge--on these kids! We are investing time in kids' LIVES as john-michael has said! definitely doesn't get more crucial than that, yes?

so back to my train of thought.. basically i feel as if there was no consistency in this past week, which is honestly kind of throwing me off even more than i was before. I think one thing that gets me during my time here is that my time with the kids isn't as consistent as i would've wanted it to be. I feel as if this is mostly my fault though--i can control whether i go out or not, sleep in or not, all these things that seem so unimportant can slowly impact the whole process of getting to know the kids i realized. however, i dont want to regret! i know that God has a way with everything.. just as Pastor Christian (JSEM) spoke on God's PERFECT will this past sunday--I know that no matter how many mistakes I make, whether I am following only God's permissive will, that in the end He will work all things for His glory all the same..as long as I stay faithful.

so with that, it's just been a little hard on me.. i came back home one night and was shocked to see that most of the rooms of the orphanage were empty. many of the middle school girls had left...im sad i couldn't say my last goodbyes to my middle school class girls =\ then just as i was getting used to the shock, i figured out i had to say bye to ye-hyang & sehwon (siblings we are very fond of here). just one after another.. they were leaving, i had to say bye, it was tearing me up inside. i felt so stripped, broken, empty. i needed some refreshment..so what better way is there than to go up to the little boys room? they are soo cute & so sweet. I just laid down with them on their little sleeping mats as they were watching late night tv shows until they fell asleep. i just laid there..numbly taking everything in.. feeling pretty down, until this one little boy jae yoon (who i have never talked to before that night) came up to me with all smiles, hugging me, excited to talk to me--broke my heart. i was all of a sudden restored & happy again. i could truly see just a glimpse of how our Father in Heaven may feel--such precious kids!!! I love them, i felt like a parent excited to spend time with those boys. As i was getting up to leave (bc it was lights out for them), little myung-jin looks up at me with comforting eyes "sungsengnim, there's room here next to me.." :) awww, how cute.. he was basically implying that i could sleep there next to him..or more like he wanted me to stay i hope :) haha yeah it was soo cute.. that night i went up to the room we share and just broke down in tears. it was all so overwhelming.. knowing that in just 2 weeks time i would have to leave..that after that i may never get a chance to come back in time to see them again..that i felt so inadequate to make even the slightest impact on their lives. however, thats when i got it. its not ME. its never me..why do i keep forgetting to humble myself.. to realize its all Him.. that's when i can be completely sure that my remaining time here will not be to a waste. I started praying for the kids..lifting a few up by name, understanding that only if i prayed diligently, they would be saved and that was the ONLY lasting thing i could do for them.

2 weeks may seem like a long time in certain cases, but definitely way too short for my time here. i really do wish i could stay here for 1..maybe 2 years. i know i could learn from these 2 months and operate better..i want to continue these relationships with these kids..yet i keep forgetting that i can--through prayers God will continuously knit our hearts together<3 Praise God!

xanga continues to interrupt my entry-writing so words will be minimal!  Jerusalem Ministry just finished our 1st Annual (?) Summer Soccer Camp for 4-6th graders!  There were children, volunteers, and coaches from five different orphanages and many of the churches in the Seoul area.  The represented orphanages were Namsan, Myongjin, Sangrok, Kangnam, and Geon. 

We were all really worried that the camp would have to be cancelled because of the intense rain.  An email from morning of the first day of camp- "We are trying to have an outdoor soccer camp in the middle of the monsoon season (I think only foreigners would have tried this).  Let's keep praying throughout the day, and remind ourselves by whose grace we are operating." -John Lee (Organizer of the Camp)

Can i just say that the camp was so perfectly framed in terms of weather??  rain was falling like crazy until 3,4am of the camp, and by 6:15am it was a light drizzle.  it was supposed to rain all day on wednesday but it wasn't until night time that rain fell- and it fell HARD.  thank God!!!! :)  He finishes what He started.

HILARIOUS video of first grader seung-won who got stuck in a soccer ball bag.  no one could figure out how to undo the clasp to get him out so the poor kid ran around like that for about twenty minutes until someone did.  the other kid dragging him along is third-grader minseok.  i love john and JM's reaction (or lack thereof) to seungwon's pleas to please save him!